OVERVIEW OF COMMUNICATION

1. We communicate a lot of different things:

• thoughts
• feelings
• values
• opinions
• needs
• desires

2.We communicate in a number of different ways:

• speech - both words and inflection
• silence
• eye contact
• facial expression
• body movements
• body contact

3. Difficulties we encounter in communication include:

• misunderstandings caused by words having different meanings for different people (such as slang)
• mixed verbal and nonverbal messages
• not listening carefully
• not having the other person's attention
• inability to empathize

4. It is particularly difficult to communicate about sexual issues:

• embarrassment, fear, excitement
• unsure of facts
• uncomfortable with sexual vocabulary
• values and attitudes are different

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION TECHNIQUES

1. Becoming aware of self:

what goes inside you - your thoughts, feelings, and expectations

• Experience: what you see or hear. All of the senses (touch, smell, sight, sound, taste).
• Interpretation: trying to make meaning out of what you have experienced.
• Feelings: your emotional response to your interpretations of your experience.
• Intentions: what you would like to happen as a result of your feelings and thoughts.
• Actions: the verbal or nonverbal expressions of what you experience, interpret, feel and want.

2. Expressing your thoughts, feelings and wants:

• determine what you think, feel, and want
• get the other person's attention
• send message clearly (make sure the words mean the same to both)
• make sure message was understood clearly

3. Speak for yourself:

Use "I" statements instead of "You" statements

• When I ________________________________________________________________
• I feel __________________________________________________________________
• Because I ______________________________________________________________
• I want _________________________________________________________________

"I" messages are effective when someone is doing something that is causing you a problem or evokes a strong emotional response in you.

4. Listening to others' thoughts, feelings and wants:

• pay attention
• maintain eye contact
• don't interrupt or take over the conversation
• give clues for the person to continue ("uh huh, I see, go on...")
• listen for feelings as well as content

5. Clarifying and seeking shared meaning:

• make sure that you are understanding correctly
• make sure that you are being understood

6. Making decisions:

when communicating with another person, it is often necessary to consider what you want to happen. Here is a step-by-step process that you can use.

• D - define the problem
• E - educate yourself
• C - consider the advantages, disadvantages, and consequences of all options
• I - identify your choice
• D - design a plan to carry out the decision
• E - evaluate the decision

7. Negotiate:

used when two people disagree even though they have heard each other